Techie sayings

[blindbuttkicker]

we have a few at church that we use

AV Team Coordinator: "if it dont work the first time, try it again, if it still doesnt thats what a brain is for." "screw up once, shame on you, screw up twice, go run laps."

Qoutes from HS

"The pit is not for goofing around in gentleman, but its funny to see people crawling in the bays"

"The reason they call it the booth is because thats where the snacks are."

"If you have ever walked around in here (auditorium) and heard a noise, you have met the friendly theater ghost, although sometimes he's not so friendly."

[misterm]

"If you have ever walked around in here (auditorium) and heard a noise, you have met the friendly theater ghost, although sometimes he's not so friendly."

ours hangs out above the bathrooms. literally scares the poop out of ya.

[blindbuttkicker]

ours hangs out above the bathrooms. literally scares the poop out of ya.

hahaha thats funny right there

(goes to bathroom and comes back) have you heard that rattling in the air vent lately lol

[emoreth]

My boss's words of wisdom and encouragement before each service? "Okay, everybody, don't suck."

This is just one of the many reasons we tell our pastors to never, ever listen in on the coms.

[blindbuttkicker]

My boss's words of wisdom and encouragement before each service? "Okay, everybody, don't suck."

This is just one of the many reasons we tell our pastors to never, ever listen in on the coms.

Haha thats funny right there.

"What's this button do." "If you touch it, you die by my hand." "This equipment is worth more then the pain you'll recieve from the A/V Tech if you enter this room" (Sign on theater booth door.)


Youth Band Member "can you fix my mic, it doesnt seem to fit on my head." Me "Ok ill be right back with some duct tape, scissors, rubberbands and a camera." YBM "Wait what do you need duct tape for?" Me "oh im sorry did i say duct tape i meant masking tape thanks for correcting me, be right back" YBM starts looking at our Youth Director whos trying really hard not to laugh.

"If you can turn a knob or a move a slider on a sound board, good for you, i just might not break your hands yet before we make a tech out of you."

"Always remember when working on a board, the fader never touches the top unless its God talking."

When in booth during HS

(Person walking up the booth, hear door trying to be opened), "unless you want to be put under this floor right here and now like the others, i suggest you stop right now, turn around and walk away with your life."

Overhearing two students trying to see inside the booth, to them "Do you guys know what a Sound or Light board operator is." Students: "no" Me "Well then your lucky cause i happen to be an A/V Technician meaning i do both of those positions and unless you want to feel lucky, that equipment is worth more then your heads to the somewhat friendly theater ghost, and im not sure when its been since he's last had a sacrifice."

While giving tours of the booth to the Intro to Theater classes, "Now this is called the booth, it is where we control the lights and sound from, over here we have the light board and over there we have the sound board. Now there is one thing i am going to tell you all when you enter the booth, unless you have actual theater experience, do not touch anything on those boards unless told to by the tech, or we might just have to make some sacrifices to the theater ghost and he's been kind of hungry since the last school year." scared the crap out of them hilarious!!!

[Sparky2012]

"Just use the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape."

It is great running across fellow Red Green fans. Our PBS took it off the air a couple years back. But I still have a couple of videos in case I need a fix.

It's now on the comedy channel :D

[ruinexplorer]

A new take on a popular saying (culled from FB).

stagehands.jpg

[shaferboy]

Probably on here already but I don't remember seeing it.

"You can have a set 2 of 3 ways Cheap, On Time, or Pretty. Choose you two."

[philhaney]

Posted from the SML with permission:

"Salzberg's Theory of Pizza: It is better to have pizza you don't want than to want pizza you don't have." -Jeff Salzberg

[lwinters630]

haha... some very interesting sayings in there...

In australia . . . . . . . .
watching the scrim go down... down... down... till the fly bar hit the stage...

I heard things were different down under, toilets swirl ccw and other stuff, but I didn't know up is down!

[chausman]

I heard things were different down under, toilets swirl ccw and other stuff, but I didn't know up is down!

In is down, down is front;
Out is up, up is back;
Off is out, on is in;
and of course
Right is left and left is right.
A drop shouldn't
and
A Block and fall does neither.
A prop doesn't
and
A Cove has no water.
Tripping is OK,
A running crew rarely gets anywhere,
A purchase line will buy you nothing;
A trap will not catch anything
and
A gridiron has nothing to do with football.
A strike is work (in fact, a lot of work)
and
A green room, thank God, usually isn't;

Or maybe that's just theater in general...

[lwinters630]

chausman
I love it! The scary part is it makes perfect tech talk sense. It goes to show how much we stopped thinking . . . . . . . .normally.

What is normal anyway?

Ok more tech sayings;

Time can't always wait for perfection.

Stupid has a price.

[gcpsoundlight]

"There is a reason beginners is 5 minutes BEFORE the start of the act..."

[DuckJordan]

Breasting is not as fun as it sounds.

[Les]

Lighting Designers VS Board OPs

1.)The Designer always makes the rules.

2.)The rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notification.

3.)No Board Op can possibly know all the rules.

4.)If the Designer suspects the Board Op knows all the rules, he must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5.)The Designer is NEVER wrong.

6.)If the Designer is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding, which is a direct result of something the Board Op did or said wrong.

7.)If rule 6 applies, the Board Op must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8.)The Designer can change his mind at any given point in time.

9.)The Board Op must never change his mind without express written consent from the Designer.

10.)The Designer has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11.)The Board Op must remain calm at all times, unless the Designer wants him to be angry or upset.

12.)The Designer must under no circumstances let the Board Op know whether or not he wants him to be angry or upset.

13.)Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14.)If the Designer has a hangover, all rules are void.

15.)If two Designers disagree about a rule, they are BOTH right.

[philhaney]

In is down, down is front;
Out is up, up is back;
Off is out, on is in;
and of course
Right is left and left is right.
A drop shouldn't
and
A Block and fall does neither.
A prop doesn't
and
A Cove has no water.
Tripping is OK,
A running crew rarely gets anywhere,
A purchase line will buy you nothing;
A trap will not catch anything
and
A gridiron has nothing to do with football.
A strike is work (in fact, a lot of work)
and
A green room, thank God, usually isn't;

Or maybe that's just theater in general...

Early is on time.
On time is late.

[sk8rsdad]

Early is on time.
On time is late.

Late is unemployed.

[Footer]

Early is on time.
On time is late.

Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

[philhaney]

Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.

Never heard of it. I was just taught that call time is "be there, checked in, on deck (or wherever), and ready to go" time, not "just walking in the door time." I get there early to make sure I'm ready to go, so I don't hold up the production.

I added my two lines because in the version of the list that I saw, the first time I saw it, they were included.

No disrespect intended. If they insist that you be there 10 minutes before the call, you should get paid for it. At my venue, call time is walking in the door time.

[cmckeeman]

Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

on the flipside, if i am paying you to work at 8 you need to be pushing cases at 8,

[ruinexplorer]

Exactly, the purpose is so that you will be able to start work at the designated time. When the contract states a time to start working, the labor organization will mandate a check-in time (my local was at 15 minutes) which allows them to fill the position with a stand-by. I picked up work that way once or twice as an apprentice. Once you check in, you have the opportunity to know who your crew-chief is and prep yourself to start work at the designated call time. When I worked on smaller shows, they would generally wave that rule since there were no stand-bys and starting on the dot wasn't quite as necessary.

Personally, I don't mind being early as it is less stressful than rushing in at the last second. Living in larger cities, traffic and parking can sometimes throw you off quite a bit. By planning on being early, then at least you don't start your day cranky.

[FadeToBlack]

Not sure if someone has already said this...but there is this one saying that's been going around the venues that I've been at, and I think it's supposed to be a play on "Break a leg".
I don't know when it started, but now we go around before shows and say "Break an actor's leg" to anyone on crew.

[museav]

Nothing annoys me more then the 10 minute rule. If your not going to pay me to be there.... I'm not going to be there.

That seems fair as long as long as you also believe that if you're not there on time then you pay for everyone else who was. Seriously, if I have a choice of potentially being early and possibly waiting or risking being late and having others potentially waiting on me then it just seems professional to be early.

[TheaterEd]

My two most used saying for my students are
"If it's not yours, Don't Touch it"
"Stupid Hurts"

[misterm]

loosely related, following moments of idiocy: "Now you see what happens when you do something stupid?"

[BanditRO]

For the Frank Zappa afficianados: "Save a place on the bench for the guy with the wrench..." You afficianados know the rest ;-)

[zmb]

"Three tech rehearsals should be plenty, I don't see how a fourth one could make this better."

[blindbuttkicker]

Or a 5th one to make it worse "Look at what you did now, now we got to go allllllll the way back to step 1 and fix it, thanks a lot Sir Handyman" Onto the 6th rotation of the tech rehearsal.....anddddd repeat....

[blindbuttkicker]

a saying for us in Lighting "don't forget to power off the light your changing and not forget to tell the board op that your using it, otherwise you'll be in for a light when you re-lamp"

[blindbuttkicker]

loosely related, following moments of idiocy: "Now you see what happens when you do something stupid?"

Stupid, I think you're referring to a talented multi tasker with a mindset of a designer and the brains of a stage hand.

[NeverAnonymous]

"JUST USE PAINT!" What a senic guy just yelled. Thought it applied

[masterelectrician2112]

Not sure if this one has been mentioned already, but it's a good scenic construction one. "Beat to fit. Paint to match."

[zmb]

"Beat to fit. Paint to match."

We can make it look nice later. Besides, the audience is 30 feet away.

[MarshallPope]

We can make it look nice later. Besides, the audience is 30 feet away.

"That's what gaff tape is for" (I've found myself using that a lot lately. The joys of working with a student crew...)

[WooferHound]

That's OK . . . We will fix it in the mixdown . . .

[omgitsgela]

I tend to use the tried and true "what could possibly go wrong?"

[blindbuttkicker]

"if you want to learn, open your mind and listen, if you want to goof off, be wary of standing below someone working on a light. Otherwise you'll really "goof" off in a matter of seconds"

"If someone asked this to be perfect, it just isn't perfect, its the result of hard work, mostly sweat though, a bit of thinking, and lots of hard work. This is why its called perfect because we design it to be perfect in our eyes"

"If one lamp fails and burns out, start counting till how long the ripple effect takes over"