Techie Proverbs

bwayhawk2002

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2005
Location
CA
Behold, my son here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy play, in the hours of thy performing, thou shalt not be caught short. For truly, it is said, pay heed to the errors of others and you shall not make them yourself, and again, as we have been told from on old, to thine own self be true.

I. Give not unto the actor his props before his time, for as surely as the sun does rise in the East and set in the West, he will lose or break them.

II. When told the placement of props by the Director, write not these things in ink upon thy script for as surely as the winds blow, so shall he change his mind.

III. Speak not in large words to actors, for they are slow of thought and are easily confused.

IV. Speak not in the language of the TECHIE to actors, for they are uninitiated, and will not perceive thy meaning.

V. Tap not the head of a nail to drive it, but strike it firmly with thy strength.

VI. Keep holy the first performance, for afterwards you shall party.

VII. Keep holy the last performance, for afterwards you shall party.

VIII. Remember always that the TD is never wrong. If appears that he is, then you obviously misunderstood him the first time.

IX. Leave not the area of the stage during the play to go and talk with the actors, for as surely as you do, you will be in danger of missing your cue and being summarily executed or worse.

X. Beware of the actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in the dark.

XI. Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed.

XII. Take not thy cues before their time, but wait for the proper moment to do so.

XIII. Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with gentle kindness. Thus, endeavor to speak softly and not in anger.

XIV. Listen carefully to the instructions of the Director as to how he wants things done -- then do it the right way. In the days of thy work, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the credit, and rejoice.

XV. And above all, get carried away not with the glow-tape, or thy stage will be like unto an airport.
 

Foxinabox10

Active Member
Joined
May 1, 2004
Location
Boston, MA
XVI. Never believe that an actor can do a menial technical task, as they are incompetent of doing so.

XVII. Never expect and actor to find his light, as surely he will not.
 

Eboy87

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 3, 2004
Location
Chicago, IL
XVII1. Sh!t happens

XIX. If something is going to break, it will do so 5 minutes before curtain
 

vguard420

Member
Joined
May 5, 2005
Location
Glenview, IL
XXI: thou shalt always remember the sacred phrase'the male always runs home' when thou is speaking of DMX

XXII: thou shalt always blame the freshman when thou forgets the sacred phrase and runs the holy DMX bacwards
 

Foxinabox10

Active Member
Joined
May 1, 2004
Location
Boston, MA
"and locked" for the mini-fridge.
 

bwayhawk2002

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2005
Location
CA

len

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2004
Location
Chicagoland
vguard420 said:
XXI: thou shalt always remember the sacred phrase'the male always runs home' when thou is speaking of DMX
We always used the more crude (and more memorable) expression "dmx always fXXXks the board.

And usually the LD, as well.
 

bwayhawk2002

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2005
Location
CA
len said:
vguard420 said:
XXI: thou shalt always remember the sacred phrase'the male always runs home' when thou is speaking of DMX
We always used the more crude (and more memorable) expression "dmx always fXXXks the board.

And usually the LD, as well.
well...that's one way to put it Len.

I guess if that is the only way for some people to remember which end goes where on things, I guess then, you might as well go with the flow.
 

jameaton

Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2008
Also i feel one that needs to be added is actors must not walk across the stage, when they have been told not to_Or i will kill them
 

tacticalemu

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Location
south jerzey
(not sure whic # we left off at) XX??? : Thine Tech fridge must be kept free of the heathen stage crew feast, as well as of the underling actors, unless the formentiond agree it is fair game to all...
 

renegadeblack

Active Member
Joined
Oct 21, 2008
Location
New Haven Area, CT
Thou shall run to ye olde convenience shop quickly during ye intermission.

(We have a dunkin donuts and a gas station right by our school. One night for a choir concert, our sound guy hadn't eaten dinner so me and him ran to dunkin donuts to get croissants, well, they started the second half without the sound guy. Student tech director flipped a sh!t , tells the choir director. What'd she say? "You didn't get me anything?!?!?!"
 
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Spader

Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2008
Use not thy elbow when coiling cables, or thou shalt lose thy elbow.
 

WestlakeTech

Active Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2008
Thou shall run to ye olde convenience shop quickly during ye intermission.

(We have a dunkin donuts and a gas station right by our school. One night for a choir concert, our sound guy hadn't eaten dinner so me and him ran to dunkin donuts to get croissants, well, they started the second half without the sound guy. Student tech director flipped a sh!t , tells the choir director. What'd she say? "You didn't get me anything?!?!?!"
:) For us it's a Dominos pizza from across the street.

Do not be pushith of the red button, if done so a 1000 years of bad luck with be cast uponth.
I usually call it the self-destruct button.

Use not thy elbow when coiling cables, or thou shalt lose thy elbow.
:grin:


oh, but I disagree w/the one about not letting Freshman press the Go button. Here, they're almost the only ones to do it aside from the Hog.
Also disagree w/the one about them sweeping or mopping the stage. Sure, make some do it, but upperclassmen aren't above it. I'm a senior and I'll still sweep and mop any day.
 
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iLightTheStage

Active Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2008
Location
Las Vegas, NV
Thou hast taped in vain, if the purpose of such act is to prevent thy dancers from running into the light booms.

Should thou attempt to "idiot proof" something, thy lord will descend upon thee a better idiot.

Give a man a crescent wrench, and he may hang a light; teach him that it is also a hammer, a pry bar, and a fine-tune adjustment tool, and he shall be a techie.

He who arrives late, and does not bear with him coffee for all, shall be beaten.