My answers, in no particular order:
0 - You are wearing really good earplugs
1 - Master volume down
2 -
channel volume down
3 - input
gain all the way down
4 - Amp
gain all the way down
5 - amps off
6 -
circuit blown that powers amps
7 -
circuit blown that feeds
mixer
8 -
fuse in amps blown
9 -
Mixer suffers from a high
impedance air gap*
10 - Amp suffers from a high
impedance air gap*
11 - speakers unplugged from amp
12 -
mixer unplugged from amp
13 - mics unplugged
14 - mics dead
15 - bad cable to mics
16 - fried
channel strip on
mixer
17 - blown speakers
18 - bad cable to amps
19 -
Mixer off
20 -
channel muted
21 - another
channel is SOLO'ed (I dont remember if this only goes to
headphones on the
mackie)
22 - there's a
power failure
23 - your mics got moved to a different input
24 - I thought you used a
mixer for making
cookie dough
25 - I thought a
power amp supplies
power, you mean I have to
plug it in
26 - The output from the
mixer was plugged into the output of the Amp
27 - Someone broke one of the blades of your
power cord
28 - You are experiencing a brown out and there isn't enough
voltage to
power your gear.
29 - Your speakers got moved so that they where you were listening from has perfect
phase cancellation.
30 - The janitor came in an unplugged your gear so that he could vacuum.
31 - Someone replaced your
XLR cables with
XLR to 1/4" cable, and that just ain't gonna work.
32 - The janitor ran over your
power cords with the vacuum and it sliced the conductors
33 - You forgot to lock the door when you left and someone stole your
mixer
34 - The drummer doesn't like the singer, so he disconnected the vocal mics and hooked up his drum mics
35 - The performer lost his voice
gafftaper said:
...the
microphone and no sound comes out
36 - Wait, sound doesn't come out of microphones
gafftaper said:
The performer picks up the
microphone...
37 - Now why would you ever let the talent do that?
38 - Did you get one of those SM58s with the on off
switch? I would check that.
39 - Are you cross patched? Maybe someone put mic 1 on
channel 2 and mic two on
channel 1.
40 -
IEC not fully seated in
socket
41 - If not indoors: Is your generator running (well you better catch it)
42 - It helps to put the whisk attachment on the
mixer before you
beat the eggs.
43 - This isn't a
mixer, it's a light board
44 - The fire alarm went off while you were away and shutdown your
system (this has happened at my
theatre)
45 - You left your coffee mug on the
mixer and the vibrations from the janitor vacuuming knocked it over and fried everything.
46 - Your assistant left his soda on the amp rack and it got spilled and fried the amps.
47 - There didn't used to be a big foam sculpture in front of my speakers
48 - The lighting guys took your
speaker stands, speakers included to use as light trees.
49 - The lighting guys took your speakers because they wanted a kickin' sound
system in the booth
50 - The talent thought the mics were wireless so they unplugged them.
51 - Talent is talking in wrong end of mic
52 - I though
phantom power means it just works because I don't need to
plug it in
53 -
Mackie mixers have two switches in back, make sure you flipped the right one
54 - "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
55 - Someone tried to
plug the comms
line into your
mixer to get the show feed. Hmmm, that +30v can do bad things.
56 - The talent brought his own mic, but didn't tell you... You should have ESP and know these things.
57 - You can't stand 20 feet away from the mic and expect to be heard. Duh!
58 - You just felt like being mean because the performer sucks.
59 - The voices in your head don't count
60 - You shouldn't have plugged the sound
system into a
dimmer, the lighting guys turned off the
system and left for the day.
61 - It helps to set up the sound
system in the tent, the forecast did say rain...
62 - The
Stage Manger hasn't called the
cue yet.
63 - But those speakers make my car stereo sound so much better.
64 - You aren't supposed to eat the banana plugs
65 - You stuck the
banana plug where?!
66 - Someone switched your amp into bridge mode
67 - Don't you know that you have to say "Testing 1... 2... 3..." before any sound
system will work.
68 - How many times do we have to say that charc needs supervision?
69 - Setting up a sound
system in the gym at school is a bad idea, that arrow belongs to the archery class, not my
mixer...
70 - The sound designer didn't write the cues yet
71 - "Oh, are those my cues?" "Yes, and you better pick them up out of the cellophane before they scorch!"
72 - Who stole the knobs off my
mixer?
73 - Maybe the performer should wait until you get back from break so you can turn the
system back on.
74 - Stop looking at
ControlBooth.com, you have a show to run!
75 - You aren't actually supposed to use that golden
XLR to
Edison adapter (yes I have one such
adapter pined to the wall in my office, and I am not sure why it was ever made.)
76 - Aren't mic cables supposed to have three pins?
77 - Didn't you know, after Aerosmith started making up words to "The Star Spangled Banner" the mics are just for show?
gafftaper said:
The performer picks up the
microphone and no sound comes out.
78 - Well of course no sound came out, the performer hasn't said anything yet.
79 - What is that blue
smoke coming out of the amps? You know once you let the blue
smoke out, things stop working, and you can't put the
smoke back in.
80 - The lighting guys unplugged your
power distro so that they could hook up theirs for the moving lights.
81 - Why does it smell like BBQ? That's one crispy rat with his teeth in my
feeder cable.
82 - This is a sound
console, you can't
plug the ML data cable in here!
83 - Who put these
DMX terminators in my
mixer?
84 - Just because it takes 3-pin
XLR doesn't mean you can
plug a littlelight in there.†
85 - The performer is speaking in ASL
86 - Where did all these screws come from? Who took the guts out of my
mixer?
*High
impedance air gap = unplugged
†This raises an interesting question, can you
power an
XLR littlelight with a phantom powered mic input on a
mixer?
Maybe the next test is to put these in order of probability, then in order of easiest to fix, then in order of most humorous.
) how do we find the problem to fix it? Perhaps your next excersize should be "how do you most efficiently troubleshoot this problem?" What do we check first? ect
