Never put a Neumann U87 in your pocket.
Drummers should never be allowed near the
monitor mix or your proc rack. Or near
power tools of any kind.
The director of the dance school WILL
hand you a case of cd's (with each song on a separate cd) for his/her show. Don't bother to suggest a compiled show cd- not gonna happen. Get used to it.
When the drunk lady comes up to you at the
FOH position at a concert and complains that the music is too loud for conversation, suggesting that they learn sign language will probably cause problems and involve security and missed cues.
If you don't know what that knob does, don't turn it up. If you do decide to turn it up, lie about it when things burst into flames.
If somebody asks you to change their
monitor mix more than six times within the first three songs, don't actually change anything- just put your finger on the knob and pretend to turn it.
Reconcile yourself to the fact that violin players are annoying.
If the guitar player complains he can't hear his amp unless he turns it up to 11, tip the amp back so that it points at his head.
The going rate for a non-rider videographer to get an audio feed from your
mixer is $250.
Whenever possible, get somebody else to lift heavy stuff so that you don't have to.
Hide your
board tape.
Never use
duct tape or
masking tape- get real
gaffer's tape. And don't leave it sitting out unsupervised or it will walk away.
Don't fall asleep at the board during a show.
Wear earplugs at concerts (disregard if you are mixing the show).
Behringer is not "just as good" as Midas.
And most important: NEVER make eye contact with Mr. Manilow.
Hope this helps.