Some of my favorite from this thread complied into one list. You can thank me later with a cold one.
Techie Sayings
"If force doesn't work, you're not using enough."
"Everything works if you let it."
"Actors are
props with dialogue"
"
Beat to fit, paint to match"
"If force doesn't work, you're not using enough"
"Done is best"
"An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills."
"And on the first day the lord said. . . . . .LX1, GO! and there was light."
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
"EVERY theater company mirrors the muppet show, think about it."
"John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor. . ."
"Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, Next. . . ."
"Let the actors finish it"
"I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations."
"Hmmmm. What would a smart guy do."
"Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on
cue."
"Work sucks. I'm going to the
theatre."
"Life's a
stage and were constantly changing the scenery."
"Extras are
props that eat. . ."
"Umm, 'scuze me, your techies are showing. . ."
"If we could read minds, we wouldn't need headsets."
"Hey, I forgot my
cue sheet, oh well, I'll make it up. I wonder if they'll notice?"
"All the girlies say He's pretty white for a Fly Guy."
"If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor."
"Techies are those people least appreciated, most abused, hardest working, in the entire history of the theater."
"Lift with your back to save your knees"
"TD is always right, if you think he is wrong, you must of misunderstood him."
"move with a purpose"
"Gaffa tape is like the force - it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the
universe together!"
"Why IS my life so much harder than everybody else's?"
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney
"We do it in the dark"
"Out techies practice safe sets"
"F$$$ with me - and you'll be dancing in the dark"
"Mess with me - and you'll be "acting" in the dark"
"Don’t f*** up, my 500$ scholarship is hanging on this show"
"The Five Rules for screwing.
1) Always wear protection.
2)Make the correct connection, battery with drill.
3) Keep the drill straight and
level.
4) Push Hard
5) Have a great time.
6) Even a bad screw is still a good time.
"Techies do it in the dark and don't stop til the audience applauds"
"If all the world's a
stage then I want better lighting!"
"A
stage manager is never late, nor are they early, they arrive exactly at the right time... Just like a
wizard!" -- said by the
stage manager
And then of course there's :
"Lord, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those actors....
... I just had to kill cause they pissed me off."
And the
stage manager's prayer :
"May those that love us, love us
And to those that don't, may God turn their hearts
And if He can't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles.
So that we may know them by their limping."
"Gravity - Not just a good idea, its a law".
"Just because I serve you doesnt mean I like you"
"
Safety third! Budget and deadline are first and second."
"
Roll with it, you know they [actors] are going to mess up"
“I'm not tired, I'm just caffeine deprived.”
"put that down, it's worth more than you are!"
"If all the world is a
stage and we are merely players, doesn't that make the technicians gods?"
"If I have done my job well, no one will know I've done it at all."
"No blood, no fire, good show."
"Oh' look, a parade of idiots."
"Let's move some air" (sound crew)
"Who cares if they can't see because of our lights...they're just actors" (focus crew)
"Yes, that was a bad idea. Don't do it again." (me, the T.D.)
"*insert TD's name here* I think that
dimmer rack is on fire again...."
"You know where your home is? [Yes] Ok, go there"
"Who's your god?" Said after blinding the cast with lights at 60%, then waiting a few seconds and kicking it up to full.
"That's what you get for f***in with me."
"So you know how to operate a fire extinguisher, right?" -said to the new guy
I just had this one tonight..."Hey Mike, you know those fire hoses backstage? [Yeah.] Want to have a water fight?"
When in doubt, blame an actor.
"Paint it black and it'll become invisible"
THAT is the magic of
theatre for you
" A Little Putty, A Little Paint, Makes a Carp, outta one who ain't "
"Ars Gratia Artis" or " or "Art for Art's Sake"
OR
"Ars Gratia Lyra", "Art for Money"
I know my job looks like fun. I am working. Kindly do not f*ck with me.
(for eletrical Fixes) "spit on it"
(for set fixes) "if they notices it the actor isnt doing his job"
(and of course) "i cant i have rehearsal"
(oh and for those stressful monents) "relax its not brain surgery"
"If the director doesn't notice it, it doesn't need to be fixed."